Its July 20th. It seems like only yesterday I was packing my bags for Amsterdam anxiously awaiting the start of yet another summer. And yet... everythings different. Its all gone by so fast. I'm not a kid anymore.. We.. we aren't kids any more. This summer has consisted of waking up, going to work, coming home, eating, sleeping, and then repeating it all over again. Its almost as if we're in this transition period.. not quite adults yet childhood remains far behind in the distance... its depressing. Massively depressing. Time to grow up. Time to begin the endless cycle of week after week of endless job hours. All for what?

I mean.. yeah. Its not like I've graduated yet. But who am I kidding. I've never bought into that life. The real world begins in a little less than 2 years. God.

Like I said. Summer's just not the same. Everybody is out doing their own thing. High school groups and friends are long gone..all that remains are the close bonds forged with only the bestest of friends.. its troubling I must admit. Troubling indeed. I'm growing up. Time is moving at a rapidly increasing pace. Days pass and turn into weeks which turn into months which have slowly but surely turned into years. I'm 20. I've been on this earth for 20 years. The earth has rotated the shining sun 10 times and then yet another 10 since I was born.. The USSR has fallen, the US has invaded Iraq twice.. the towers have fallen... Bill Clinton was blown.. Michael Jackson died..and the world counted down from 10 to reach the year 2000. I've seen all of this in my lifetime and yet.. what have I done? I've grown into the very human being that I am today. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing... perhaps only time will tell.

I do know one thing however and I've said it before and I'll say it again.. There has never been a God for me. Never a Heaven nor a Hell. I've never taken interest in things of material value, and I've never truly put myself in a position to help others due to my fear of being taken advantage of.. If all that is true, then there truly is only one reason for my existence on this earth.. and that is to love.

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